An Email Means so Much....

It was just a simple email that my husband received from a friend - but it had a HUGE impact.  This is why I ride....This is why my husband and family has sacrificed their time with me over the past eight months....This is why ........

Hi Blaine,

I was hoping you might pass this on to Janis for me. I donated tonight, and I wanted to say a few words of thanks for what she is doing.

Back in 2004 I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma at the age of 22. It was a pretty rough time, lost all my hair, got a sweet titanium femur. It's difficult to articulate how insurmountable it seems while you are a patient. However, one thing I do remember is the Tour de Rock. Even though most patients don't directly intact with the people involved in large fund raising events like this, the fact it exists at all are extremely positive on a patient's morale, at least for me. When community leaders, like police officers, add to their already demanding job to raise awareness it gives you a sense you aren't completely alone in your battle --- that a community is there as well. I know everyone rides for their own reasons but the effects are more wide spread than is immediately visible, and that is truly a great thing.

Thanks for Riding, and Rock on!

A Bike sends a Kid to Camp!

     Sunday morning, my sister, Krista (Mike's wife) and I sat quietly drinking tea when she said, "It was the right time, the right place and the right thing to do."  She was referring to the auctioning of Mike's Tour de Rock bike the night before.

     It had been an emotional evening.  During the auction, as I held the bike and walked it around the circle of bidders, a sense of finality came over me and I cracked.  I don't cry often but the emotional impact of auctioning off Mike's bike was just too much.  I passed the bike off to a friend as the bidding kept going.  As I walked out the door to get some fresh air, one of my trainers, an alumni rider, gave me a smile and a look of understanding.  

     His look told me that this is what the next two weeks will be about.  It won't be about the riding...it will be about the emotions.  Tour de Rock is about the stories that people want to share and it's all about listening and hugging.  Am I ready?  I don't think I can answer that yet.

     So with tears flowing down my cheeks, I went back to the auction and wheeled that bike around with a sense of purpose...and pride.  The auction of Mike's bike raised enough money to send a child battling cancer to Camp Goodtimes and that was the goal.  I'm sure Mike is up there somewhere flashing his devil horns and cheering.  

SILENT AUCTION ITEMS! Mike Lawless Tank Top Flip Flop Hop is TOMORROW NIGHT!!

Holey Hearts!

So I feel like I'm in my final month of pregnancy.  You know when you get to that stage where you want your body back and you want to get the show on the road!  Well that is what it feels like right now.  I have been training since March and physically I'm ready....on the other hand emotionally ..... I don't know.  

Tonight I was presented with my official Tour de Rock jersey and it was tough not to let the tears flow (I had put mascara on for my first time in a few months!).  Anne, our teammate and oncologist nurse, spoke beautifully and really hit home when she said that every time a child with cancer in her care loses their battle, a hole is left in her heart.

She's right.  When mom lost her battle with ovarian cancer...a hole was left in my heart.  When Mike lost his battle...another hole was left.  

So people ask why I'm riding. It's an easy answer.

HOLES HURT!!!

Please support me and my holey heart.
DONATE NOW.

Thank you
Janis

 

Mike is Giving Back......Again.

     When I first got onto a bicycle in March...it was awkward and uncomfortable and my butt hurt.  However, after thousands of kilometers of training..my bike is now an extra appendage.  That's what the trainers said would happen.  My bike has become a part of me and I have personalized it to inspire me.  It has Mike Lawless' Tour de Rock bandanna on the handlebars, a photo of Emma, a junior rider who passed away this year, hanging from the seat, and two friendship bracelets.  One from Camp Goodtimes and the other is from my nine year old daughter.  

     So when I speak about auctioning off Mike Lawless' Tour de Rock Bicycle at the Mike Lawless Tank Top Hip Hop Flop..it's bittersweet.  This bike was a part of his epic adventure in 2004.   It was the bike that helped him discover his passion for helping kids with cancer through Tour de Rock.  The bike was his inspiration.  

     After Mike passed away last year from cancer at the age of 43, it was an easy decision about what to do with his bicycle.  It had been hanging in the garage since 2004..a symbol of an amazing journey and now it will once more give back to the reason it exists in the first place.  The money raised will go to the kids.  That's what Mike would want and we're sure he is grinning up there somewhere with out plan.

     So please come to the Mike Lawless Tank Top Flip Flop Hop and watch Mike give back once more through his bike.  Trek is getting all fixed up and ready to make some money for a cause that was dear to Mike's heart, dear to all of our hearts. 

So hope to see you on September 17 at Ashton Armouries.  Check out the poster and contact me for tickets.  It will be a truly epic (and emotional in a good way) evening!  

     It's only two weeks away!  If you want to bid on Mike's bike...we may consider bids by phone!

If you can't make it....please consider donating in Mike's name.
www.tourderock.ca/janiscarmena
 

Riding in the Rain....

Yesterday’s training ride reminded me what the family of someone battling cancer goes through.  See yesterday, the team and I rode around and around UVIC's Ring Road in the rain…. in circles.   There was grit flying up from the wheel of the rider in front of me…..and it was hard to see.  The grit also hurt as it pinged off my face.  Finally, while riding in line and switching front riders,  I was the front rider and the way was clear for a short time until bam….I was switched out and there was a rider in front of me again and again the rain and grit is flying.  With my vision impeded, I had to trust the rider in front to make sure that my path through the rain was clear and that I didn’t hit anything.  Then without warning the rain stopped and the sun came out and I breathed a sigh of relief that the ride is over.

My family's battles with cancer, one with mom and one with Mike,  reminded me of last night’s ride.  At first it was hard to see our way through all the overwhelming amount of information and news and the majority of that information and news hurt….just like the rain and grit.  Then during each battles, there seemed to be a light...good news…and the way cleared just like when I was riding my bike and was at the front of the pack.  Then BAM…the light went away due to bad news and we had to faithfully follow our doctor’s advice on how to help our loved one fight their cancer….just like how I was blindly following the rider in front of me hoping that they kept me safe helping me survive the ride.  For a long time….the battles continued on in circles as we wished for light….sun.  Unfortunately we never got the sun in my family member’s battles………

 

So as I rode around in that circle last night…. Blind most of the time….I reflected on my family's past cancer battles and was reminded why I was riding….in the rain…around the University…in circles......I ride because with the money I help raise..we can bring “sunshine” to the cancer fighter and their caregivers through Camp Goodtimes and through money toward research.   I ride because hopefully, in my lifetime, the “sun” will come out and stay out…..cause it sucks to ride in the rain blindly following the rider in front of you trusting them with everything just as it sucks to faithfully follow the doctor’s advice hoping that they will help your loved one survive.

Please DONATE now!

Thank you

Janis

I'm Eating an Elephant!

     During her battle with Ovarian Cancer, my mom would always say, "Janis, how do you eat an elephant?" She usually said this when the family became overwhelmed and our answer always had a calming effect, "One bite at a time." That's how she fought her battle with cancer. Instead of looking at the whole picture, she took it a day at a time. It is overwhelming if you look at the battle as a whole.

      Now I'm not comparing bike riding 1000 Km to fighting cancer...don't get me wrong however at the moment, it's my battle. I'm looking at the Tour de Rock as my elephant and it's a large elephant. I can't eat the whole thing at once however as mom's words ring through my head...I can eat it one piece at a time! Luckily I began eating it in March so by the beginning of Tour on September 24, I should only have a few more pieces to eat before the elephant is gone! It has been a big elephant and at the end I may reflect that I will miss it however.......I could always eat a rhino next? 

 Please consider donating to my elephant eating!  

DONATE NOW 

 Thank you so much 
Janis

My Biggest Supporters!!! Love These Kids!

Cancer Cancer Everywhere!

     Every where I go these days there is someone telling me that a friend or family member was just diagnosed with or had just died from cancer.  From kids to adults...all the victims are the same.  Unfortunately...the survival stories feel few and far between and I wonder if I'm not being told them because of people's tendencies to dwell on the negative or if they aren't happening?

     What is going on around the world?  Is there more cancer out there? or are we just hearing about it more?  Why have we not found a cure yet?  or have we and the big pharmaceutical companies don't want it known?  

So many questions.....not enough answers.  

     What I am learning though is as a Tour de Rock Rider you are a listening board.  People want to talk to you and want to tell you their story.  They don't necessarily want you to speak.  They just want to heard and hugged.  Together we are stronger and I am bracing myself for a heck of a lot of stories and hugs in the next couple of months.  (I'm sure there will be some tears also!)

53 days until Kick Off!!!!

Janis

DONATE NOW!

Reflection Time and Camp!

     It's been a long week - an emotional week - a tiring week.  Last night I slept from 4:00 pm until 10:00 am this morning - that's 18 hours!  I was exhausted however I woke up refreshed and reflective.  Why did the week take its toll on me?  I don't think it was the week though - I think it was the last four months.   Tour de Rock takes a lot of time and dedication - it takes energy out of my old body it takes a toll on my emotions however I wouldn't give it up for the World.  

     This past Thursday we were honoured to be invited to Camp Goodtimes.  It was amazing interact with the kids that the ride was benefiting and those kids don't stop!  It is go go go and hats off to the volunteers and leaders there who go go go too.  From the dunk tank to casino day, we played hard!  Camp Goodtimes also took a toll emotionally - especially at the end when we made a circle and passed a ball of blue yarn around.  We each held on to a piece of that yarn as it was tied together therefore joining us.  We each then squeezed all of our memories and good times from our day at Camp Goodtimes into the piece of yarn that we were holding.  As the pieces were were holding onto were cut and separated, they created a friendship bracelet that was tied on to our wrists by a friend who shared the experience with us.  The bracelets were now a symbol of the experience that we went through together.  We were bonded.

     Mine now hangs on my bike next to a photo of Emma, a junior rider who lost her battle a couple of weeks ago.  Mike's bandanna, that he used the year he rode, is wrapped around my handlebars.  These are the items that will inspire me and get me through the tough parts of the upcoming ride especially when I'm tired and want to give up.  I also think of Kai and Kyra, my two junior riders who have lived through the battle of their lives.  Kyra gets to go to Camp next week and she is so excited!  It's a week where she can forget her battles, look past her battle worn body and just be a kid with other kids who understand.

     So as I reflect - I can see why I was exhausted and I can see why I needed to sleep.  Now I'm rested though so bring on the next three months! Tour is coming on fast and we need to send more kids to Camp!!  My personal goal is to raise $25 000!

Thank you to my family and friends who have already donated.
Love you.
Janis

 
SUPPORT CAMP GOODTIMES!
 

Rule #8

     Somewhere along the line, my family developed life rules.  I’m not sure what 1 through 7 are anymore because they all paled in comparison with Rule #8, “Smile no matter what happens!” 

 

     My mom spent her last few months in the hospital surrounded by her family and friends before she lost her battle with Ovarian Cancer.  That was 20 years ago.    Above her bed was a white board and I remember looking at it with my sister and writing on it, in extremely large red lettering, “Rule #8 – smile no matter what happens.”  Those few words made both my sister and I stronger and therefore made mom stronger.  When we entered mom’s room and wanted to cry – a quick look above her head reminded us to smile.  Mom didn’t need to worry about us when she was fighting for her life and with that reminder we smiled.

     After mom passed away, this rule is still our mantra.  My sister and I actually have the number 8 tattooed on our ankles to remind us that smiling makes things better and no matter what happens....smile!

     So as I look at that daunting hill...I smile, as I think about how much my body hurts after cycling 100 plus km....I smile and when I meet another family taking on the cancer fight...I smile.  

     I smile because Rule # 8 says I have to and I never break the rules!

Janis

Please Donate Now!!!  My personal fundraising goal is $25 000!  Let's do this! For every donation of $25.....you will be entered into a draw for a $250 Visa Gift card!!

A Mom's TIme Out!

      It was one of those days where I needed a Mom’s Time Out.  I walked in to every dish in our kitchen dirty on the counter, our new pound hound licking the dishes that were in the sink, a hot bathroom and a toilet with unflushed poop, an extremely hot and moody 13 year old grumbling and throwing things as he got frustrated trying to make Alphaghetti and a 9 year old daughter yelling, “mama mama I want some Alphaghetti!”  Then there was all the groceries I just bought, on the floor of the kitchen, taunting me to put them away.  It was all just too much.  With my jaw clenched, I felt like I was going to boil over.  I wanted to seriously scream!  It had been a long week of training, fundraising and a 20 hour call out over the weekend in which I was looking forward to having off.  I had had enough so I  put myself on a TIME OUT before I threw something (like a child or a dog!)

     So my Lonetree Apple Cider and I escaped to the deck and I sat there trying to get my head in order.  Then I realized.....at least I have the option of having a Time Out!    As I think about what Alicia and Carson must have gone through with Junior Rider Kai over the past year, I realize that they didn’t get to go on Time Outs.  They did not have the option to just say "I quit" and grab a cider and sit on the deck.  Kai needed them and Kai still needs them and the team that is behind him to help in fight the Big C!   And with that realization, I finish my Apple Cider and headed back inside to hug my kids and flush the toilet!!  

Janis

DONATE NOW to be a part of the team standing behind Kai and his family!

 

F*&%!

     To the amusement of the team, the F Word has become one of my favourites while riding.  When I am looking at a daunting hill, I say the word….when I am trying to push through a speed night….I say the word…..and when I want to catch up after falling behind….I say the word.  There’s just something about it that makes me go beyond my quitting point and makes me dig deep.  It makes me fight my mental limitations.

     I have had a fondness of the word ever since I watched my mom battle her Ovarian Cancer and during the battle that my brother in law, Mike, just went through with lung and brain cancer.  I’m hoping that other families and people with cancer have the same affinity towards it.   To me it indicates that you are willing to FIGHT!  You are willing to do anything you can to beat the dreaded C word. 

     Using a safe word like “bummer” or “shoot” just does not have the same impact as dropping a good ole F bomb!!

Janis

DONATE NOW to save the kids from the "F Bomb!"

To Shave or Not to Shave?

                To shave or not to shave?  That was only one of the questions I have asked on this journey.  Prior to March, I did not ride a bike and when I did get on my old mountain bike – I didn’t enjoy it.  I also did not work out and was quite out of shape.  I am pushing 45....and well...menopause etc is on the horizon.   My first time on a “road bike” was ummmm..... interesting to say the least.  I hurt and chafed in places I didn’t know existed.  I also began to develop sores in some very private areas.  So the research began.....”Pubic hair and cycling” was only one of the Google searches I conducted.  Others included....”What is Chamois cream?” “Women’s parts and saddle sores?”  “Why are my toes numb when I bike?”  “Should I wear two pairs of cycling shorts or not”....and the best one.....”what is crotchitis?”

                So why the heck did I sign up for a 1000 Km ride down the entire length of Vancouver Island? 

                I did because my Google searches are nothing compared to the Google searches made by parents of kids with cancer.  My computer reading about “crotchitis” made me laugh and shake my head however, I can honestly say that parents of kids with cancer wished they only had saddle sores to deal with.  So with this in mind.....I apply cream and ride on!!!

Janis 

DONATE NOW!

Bumper Stickers and Life Lessons.

I read bumper stickers.  They give me entertainment while driving and sometimes they scold me like the one that say “Unless You're A Haemorrhoid get off my ass.”  The one I read today though made me think.  After riding more than 100 Km for the first time that morning with the Tour de Rock team, I was driving along and the bumper sticker in front of me read, “Every day is a blessing.”  

As my body ached and I wanted to whimper in pain, this simple sticker made me take a step back because we began our ride today with some horrible news.  One of our junior riders had taken a turn for the worse.  Our superhero had had a stroke.  When hearing this from the trainers, Anne, the senior rider assigned to that little superhero and also her paediatric oncologist nurse, had a look on her face that you never want to see on a person.  It was a look of helplessness.  

There was nothing we could do at that moment but ride and take inspiration from that little girl.  This day was a blessing because we as a team were able to ride.  We rode farther than we ever had and rode faster than we usually averaged  This day was also a blessing because our junior rider survived her stroke and will keep fighting this awful disease which I call the"Big C." 

So to all those with bumper stickers – thank you.  For the person with the haemorrhoid bumper sticker..sorry for following so close but I needed to see what your sticker said!

Janis

Please consider helping me raise my goal of $25 000 to help fight the Big C and send these amazing superheros to Camp Goodtimes.   DONATE NOW!